We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
