found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
