Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
