New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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