EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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