At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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