I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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