So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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