I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
