therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
