I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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