the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
