Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
