the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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