just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
