i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
