I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
