it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
