dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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