They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Come on in and take your pants off
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