I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
