yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
