Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
