Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
