I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
