I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
