you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
