drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
