Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
