GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
