I accidentally had phone sex last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
