i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
