Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
