Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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