omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
