True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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