Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
