Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
