I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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