if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
