remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
