she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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