so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
