You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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