from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
