you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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