So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
