He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
