Me. At least after what I've been through.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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