you guys were way drunker than both of me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
