You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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